What Infidelity Did to Me

What did infidelity do to me? 

Personally, infidelity blew me up!  It skyrocketed me into a dark, unstable place. A place I had never been before, didn’t want to be, and didn't know how to find my way back to “normality” from. It was agony, and the explosion completely burned and shattered me! That is what infidelity did to me! 

I didn't know what had happened, why it had happened, or where I was going after infidelity happened. It was reckless and frightening.  I was consumed by it, beaten up by it, shaken to my core by it, and unable to breathe from the intensity of it. Worse, I believed it was going to kill me.  What did infidelity do to you?

Initially I saw no way of ever surviving infidelity.

I lost parts of myself as I flew unbidden into the vast black hole of the pain and nothingness after discovering that I was cheated on.  And I felt incredibly fragile, vulnerable, exposed, and lost.  Yet, I also found and learned about parts of myself that I never knew existed before infidelity.

As the journey through healing from betrayal continued, I discovered skills to help me navigate the unknown. And I also found I wanted to shed parts of my past that no longer served me.  I learned to let go of being in control of the force that had propelled me into this dark and frightening environment. We can never control the past, only the now. The infidelity was a past event, only I was feeling the impact of it in the now.

I didn't create the explosion infidelity caused, and I couldn’t change the impact it made.

I was forced to let the journey unfold even though I fought with myself about accepting it. Realizing I had no control over what happened and couldn't change it, was ultimately my only option. It was a painful truth to accept. I never caused the infidelity, and I couldn't change the fact that it happened. Accepting what I never asked for and didn't want eventually became a huge relief, actually. 

When I used my life exploding into the unknown and turned it into the energy that navigated my direction, I discovered how to accept where I was.  A frazzled, burnt woman who was scared to death, hurtling into nothingness, with no idea where I would end up. I was in a vast, cold, dark place that wasn't where I expected to be or wanted to be.  The infidelity caused a loneliness to consume me, and I felt very, very frightened most of the time. 

But slowly, I started to see the stars, rays of hope, and beauty in my cold new world.  The harshness softened as I focused on what was happening around me, and sparks of hope fired up in me.  Sometimes I was consumed by the confusion that the unknown brought; other times, I was inspired and fueled by the energy hope gave me. Can you relate to this journey of what infidelity did to me?

I never asked to be blown sky-high by infidelity and nor did you.

While I never asked to be blown sky-high by infidelity, as my journey unfolded, I realized that which had blown me up, had blown me upwards into the heavens. So I let go of what I expected my life should look like and accepted that I was on a journey that only something as awful and explosive as infidelity could take me on.  Nothing prepared me for it, and nothing can take away the experience.

Every part of my life changed as a result of being blown up by infidelity.  

I got a whole new perspective on the value of life from my new height.   I saw the fragility of relationships and our humanity with new eyes. As I looked outward, I saw more and more beauty in the new world I was navigating.  That gave me some hope that I could survive the infidelity.

The expectations of my dreamed future slowly faded as I accepted my new reality.  I learned that different isn't bad; it's just different.  And part of that accepting different as ok guided me back home as a more completed person than the naive woman who had been thrown screaming into this journey through infidelity.  

As I land today, five years later, back home, I can only look back at that journey, as painful as it was to start with, with gratitude.  Without that experience of being cheated on, I would never have had the energy, motivation, or capacity to launch myself into such a life-changing agonizing journey—a journey of self-love.

The agonizing journey through infidelity launched me into someone who I authentically love and respect.  

Today if you ask me if I would do it all again, then I would scream, "hell no!" I would wish I had been born with the strength and wisdom that the experience of infidelity caused.  But I have to be honest here, I wasn't born that way.  It took being blown into the heavens to create in me the character that I needed to open my eyes to a new, larger, and immeasurably better version of myself and my life. Because the truth is, my old marriage kept my authentic self confined.

So whether you are in the midst of the explosion from being cheated on, hurdling at frightening speeds into the darkness, or sitting among the stars seeing the world with new eyes, please know that I am not the first to land back home a gratefully changed person, nor will I be the last.

Talking about the experience, the journey, the fears, etc., with others traveling on it or who have already traveled this journey through infidelity is so essential.  We start to see things differently when we share with each other.  Our view changes as we focus on what is important for the journey. We discover that it is our self-care that is important, so that we can begin to see the stars and beauty around us.  

Healing from infidelity may not be the journey you asked for, but it is the journey that you are on. 

 If you keep your eyes focused on the explosion and how your life was blown up through infidelity, you miss out on the lessons and beauty that the journey has for you.  It's a journey of exceptional self-growth and rebuilding. One where we learn to let go of what no longer serves us and learn to embrace what is. It is not easy, but it is the journey we all share as betrayed wives. 

Because infidelity is my lived experience, I personally coach betrayed women from the perspective of one who knows firsthand how agonizing it is to have your life blown sky-up.  The courses are designed to bring the focus back to where it belongs - onto us and our healing. You deserve to get support and to heal.

Infidelity was the enormous explosion that launched us all into the unknown.

But always remember that the journey has a beginning, a middle, and an end.  Wherever you are on your journey, learning to make sense of it helps.  Accepting what is, brings relief and healing.  Prioritizing self-care makes the difference is how you experience the journey!

Please watch a rocket launch in the video below, and perhaps think about where you at in your journey.

 Yes, Infidelity blew me up, but it blew me up to even greater heights in my life, heights that I never imagined living in. And I am happy now and living a life I love. How about you?

The pain of infidelity has gone, but the lessons remain.

I would love you to join me for a free Call to talk about your journey so far or for a Course to support you through the pain of infidelity.  It would be an honor to share the journey with you and to support you to see the lessons infidelity brings while leaving the pain behind. 

Much love

You may also find these helpful:

How to Feel Safe After Being Cheated On: A Betrayed Wife’s Guide
Empowering Self-Care Practices for Betrayed Wives Coping with Anger
Empathy and Self-Compassion: Finding Healing for Betrayed Wives
  • Thanks for sharing so much with us it’s a difficult journey for all

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    About the Author

    I am a certified life coach and relationship facilitator with a passion for supporting women who have been impacted by infidelity. Drawing on my personal experiences and deep insights, I am dedicated to helping my clients heal from the trauma of betrayal and reclaim their lives.

    Through one-on-one coaching, I am committed to providing a safe, supportive space for women to process their emotions and move forward after infidelity. You can find me in my vegetable garden or taking long walks in nature with my dog when I'm not working. Read more about  the betrayed wife's personal infidelity story...