After being cheated on, we are vulnerable and broken. It's hard to think straight as our minds and bodies get flooded from the betrayal shock. Now is the time for self-compassion, not making life-changing decisions. Check out the crazy things we do list that don't help after being cheated on.
Some things can't be undone and can hurt the other innocent people in our lives and us more. The following checklist is some things that can happen in the stress of the moment after infidelity gets revealed. Later, after thinking about it, the betrayed who did them have wished they hadn't. They now carry the consequences of their actions or prolonged their pain and healing.
Things That Don’t Help
The list could go on. Please add your "Don't Do This" in the comment box at the bottom of this page to support others on their painful journey.
If you need support or find yourself ticking the boxes on this page, please reach out by leaving a comment at the bottom of this page or booking a free coaching call with me.
I'm here to give you the support you need because infidelity is one of the most painful experiences in life. The person with who we were connected stopped being safe. Now we don't feel safe! But what makes it even more painful is that our future no longer feels safe. Our whole life can often feel like a lie after we discover we were cheated on.
I have experienced all this first-hand. And now that I am on the other side of betrayal pain, I want to reach out to those in the midst of it. There is a way through. Life after infidelity can be better than before, and I am here to show you how.
Your healing is important. Your life is important.
Much love
Well, I think I can say I did nearly all of these in some way or another!
I think the thing I did that was crazy was to believe my partner when he said it was over. Not only did he cheat on me but he was cheating on the affair partner with a second affair partner. I don’t regret choosing to have faith in him but I do regret having such blind faith in him. It was over a year from discovery before he truly began to understand that he couldn’t be their friend. 3 years and 2 months later and we are finally at a place where I can once again trust his words.
It’s a confusing time, Cynthia. I definitely considered doing nearly all the things on this list.
Regrettably, I have done most of these things through the 8 months since DDAY, 1st couples therapy last week and he is still blaming me for us “drifting apart”. I had no clue we had drifted apart, we were still doing loads together, even though he was totally vile for the 7 months of the affair, I thought he was ill :(. I am much stronger now and see the issue is more his than mine.
Hi Pip,
I am so sorry you were cheated on. You didn’t deserve it and are not to blame. Your husband had many other choices, yet he chose to cheat. My husband also blamed me for his choices and used his version of “drifting apart” as his excuse. He stated we no longer had anything in common… Strangely we did, so that was a cruel shock to me. And he also became vile while cheating, causing me immense pain. Pip, please reach out anytime you want. It helps to talk with someone who knows the impact of betrayal pain.
Yours on the Journey
Kate