The Affair Partner Keeps Hanging Around

Does your husband's affair partner still cause you grief? Some unfaithful other women keep hanging around even after the affair. I hate that my husband's affair partner (AP) keeps hanging around, making our lives harder, especially my life.

I was finally enjoying life with the affair partner gone.

This year, I finally relaxed when I needed to leave home because the affair partner (AP) had moved out of our district. Thankfully I was no longer at risk of seeing my husband's AP each time I went out. My relief was tentative but palliative. Not running into her at our supermarket, or seeing her on our roads, took massive stress out of my life. I was starting to enjoy going out again.

Slowly I was beginning to let go of the threat she posed to my mental and emotional health. The OCD compulsion to check every car's number plate on the road and scan every car park before entering a shop or supermarket was falling away. (Oh, the exhaustion that caused me!) The deliberate choice to put her out of my mind in any form took considerable effort. And I was on top of it. Heck, I even thought that I might be over it!

You will know if you had done a course  or coaching with me, the effort I have put into healing myself despite the AP's blatant disregard for my feelings. I became the self-care queen and put everything I had into rebuilding myself. We only get one life, and I was determined to live mine well. My husband's affair partner was not going to define me.

She showed a blatant disregard for my feelings

My husband's affair partner came back.

But wait! As a broken person, who has no concern about the impact of her actions on me and my children, she has returned. Yes, The AP moved back again! My husband's AP keeps hanging around!!! She lives in my small town again, even though her work is in an entirely different district quite a distance away.

Again, I am at constant risk of seeing her. When I go to our supermarket to get food for my family or even travel our roads anytime I need to leave home; I am at risk. But it is not just me who is at stake. Yesterday my husband saw her leaving our supermarket just as he was about to enter. But what is worse is that my youngest daughter walked up the same aisle as she was in at the supermarket. When she saw her father's AP, she was so disturbed that she left without her groceries. It hurts knowing that this person's choices are still impacting my children.

I felt angry, and I felt violated all over again. The frustration wanted to eat me alive. Of course, I wanted to give the AP a massive piece of my mind. I wanted to shame her, scream at her, insult her. But she knows how I feel. She knows because I have already told her. It is not without full knowledge of the impact her presence has on my children and me that she returns. These actions say so much about the character of this person. A person who had an affair with my husband while pretending to be my friend.

I felt violated all over again

I can't comprehend what must go on in an affair partners head.

So here I am again. Facing the pain of her betrayal at pretending to be my friend before I realized who and what she was. I now know and accept that my husband's AP is a person who still wants to harm me—being here and hanging around, she knowingly attempts to steal my peace.

And I will not give her that. I love and care for myself too much to allow anyone to steal my peace again. Furthermore, I am the author of a self-care courses that came out of my tears, pain, and desperation to heal. I labeled the course subheading of the first self-care course, learning to love your life even while you are healing. The AP's presence will not stop me from loving my life. She does not get to rob me of that too! (Well, she did get a few hours of thought last night, not nice thoughts, until I caught myself and dropped into mindful self-care. I am human! I forgive myself.)

As I teach my self-care courses, you will experience with me in real-time, working at more healing and more living a life that we love! I am so thankful that I can live this course with those who join me for the 18 weeks and beyond. You make the journey better, and with women like you in my life, people like the AP don't get to take up space in our minds. I mindfully choose you and your company to reside in my head and create beautiful memories for myself and my family. 

I am in control of my thoughts and I get to decide how I will feel

I will live a life I love despite the affair partner hanging around.

I know myself and I know my value. Therefore, I am in control of my thoughts, and my thoughts tell me how to feel. How I feel dictates my actions and how I live. Therefore, I will live the life I love. It's my choice! The word choice is a verb of intention, and it's actionable. While it takes effort and energy, I am up for it. I could choose to use my time and energy hating my husband's AP for hanging around. Being a victim, wasting my thoughts, and fearing what might happen in the future, however, is not for me. I want to use my time and energy to heal and build a life I love. I chose to put my energy into healing self-care and invite you to join me on the journey. Intentional self-care is a rewarding and healing journey.

The affair partner will not be my kryptonite because I am my superhero, and self-care is my barrier against her disabling poison. People like her make us bigger, stronger, and more capable in our life journey. We have dignity!

Please click here if you want to know more about my self-care course and how to heal from betrayal trauma. Or maybe you want to find out more ways to heal, so please click here for a free personal call with me. Choose to live a life you love now, don't let the AP, your cheating husband, or yourself put your healing off into the future!

Much love,

Yours on the Journey

Read more posts about the affair partner:

Why is Being Cheated On So Painful?
How Did You Discover Your Husband Was Cheating?
Breaking Free from the Affair Partner Comparison Trap: Embracing Authenticity and Self-Care for Betrayed Wives
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About the Author

I am a certified life coach and relationship facilitator with a passion for supporting women who have been impacted by infidelity. Drawing on my personal experiences and deep insights, I am dedicated to helping my clients heal from the trauma of betrayal and reclaim their lives.

Through one-on-one coaching, I am committed to providing a safe, supportive space for women to process their emotions and move forward after infidelity. You can find me in my vegetable garden or taking long walks in nature with my dog when I'm not working. Read more about  the betrayed wife's personal infidelity story...