After infidelity, our minds get thrown into a constant state of anxiety. Our brains tune into 'scanning for danger,' consciously or unconsciously, all the time. Living like this is exhausting and counterproductive to infidelity healing. We need to feel safe to relax because it's only from a place of relaxation that we can process and heal infidelity pain. Relaxing with music can support your infidelity healing.
Effects of Infidelity on the Mind and Body
It is profoundly devastating to have constant painful thoughts and not feel safe in your body all the time. Sleeplessness, loss of appetite, depression, sadness, dysregulated emotions, and hopelessness are all everyday experiences for betrayed wives.
Infidelity turned your life upside down and shattered your future dreams and plans. All that's left is a shadow of who you used to be.
So how do we live with peace now that everything has changed in our world? And how do we ditch this undermining tendency to have our fears triggered at every corner? Living without feeling safe is so awful that it makes our insides wobble. It's all very well to hear that we should control what we think. But our brains are activated by even the slightest association of betrayal. Then our stress ignites and sends our thoughts into overdrive—feelings of not being safe flood our bodies.
Healing after Infidelity With Music
In this second post of the Infidelity Healing Series, I explore how music is another way to release our minds and bodies from anxiety and infidelity stress. Because ultimately, we all want to heal and are desperate just to feel good again. We want to relax instead of being in agony!
Below is a list of more techniques you can explore to restore your inner calm and release stress from your mind and body.
Infidelity Healing Series
Here, the Betrayed Wife shares her gift of an Infidelity Healing Series. The eight posts in this Series are full of practical and easy-to-use solutions that reduce the anxiety of being cheated on. Take your time reading and applying each technique to begin the difficult recovery after intimate betrayal. The Infidelity Healing Series is a labor of love from The Betrayed Wife to every betrayed wife. Why? Because she knows first-hand how hard it is to get over infidelity, and is here to support your recovery every step of the way.
After discovering our husband's infidelity, life as a betrayed wife can become unbearable. The anxious thoughts and betrayal trauma take a toll on our emotional and physical well-being. Every day is a repeating nightmare where we experience the most painful losses of our relationship: trust and faith in ourselves. The simple self-healing techniques in this Infidelity Healing Series will help stop our stress response and restore our inner and physical well-being.
Begin your infidelity healing now:
All I ever wanted after infidelity was to live my life from a place of peace, to feel safe again.
When we mindfully focus on the things around us, our bodies can relax and feel good. But how do we move from triggered to mindful? Having that control over what we think about is how we come to stillness and acceptance. Yet, it feels like an overwhelming leap and worlds apart for us to achieve this power over our hypervigilant minds.
Firstly, let's clarify that coming to a place of peace is not passive. Nor is it a doormat to put the affair out of our heads, especially for those of us whose partners have thoughtlessly asked why we can't just get over it or to move on.
Finding a place of peace is not condoning what happened or accepting that the infidelity was ok.
Peace is where we have processed the pain and become more resilient.
We want to re-engage with our lives consciously and to live again fully. Not just exist. But living fully within our authentic power and living where we are at, which is constantly triggered by reminders, can feel like two ends of a very long spectrum.
Think of someone powerful that you know. Someone secure, wonderfully grounded and connected with themself. And this person doesn't have to prove anything to anyone, and they show up knowing their truth and who they are. Perhaps this was you before the betrayal. Yet here we are now after infidelity, questioning everything, feeling massive insecurity.
We have many ways to support ourselves into this place of securely being and living in this world again. And we certainly don't have to prove to our wayward partners that we are worth loving. Nor to anyone that we are worth it. The facts are, we are and always were worth loving and caring for even if our unfaithful partner's actions made us feel so much less than or unworthy.
We want to counterbalance the anxiety infidelity caused.
The feeling that we have to get it right all the time; otherwise, our partner will blow up at us, or that we will feel like a failure. Self-consciousness can make us go crazy. Being in a state of ongoing worry is exhausting and harmful for us.
We want to be ourselves, the version of ourselves who we were created to be. Not the version our partner or others are attempting to force on us, or worse, the version we assume they want and we try to be. And especially not a version of ourselves that hides away or is not engaging in our best life.
We want to feel like ourselves again, the authentic version of the person whom we were created to be. Not the exhausted version who is burdened with fear, pain, and stress laying in wait to ambush us.
How do we find rest from the pain?
Sometimes it's nice not to have to do anything. To lay down our burdens and just stay still and know that what is happening is helping us heal. That is why I like getting massages, especially while beautiful spa music is playing. There are days when even making the phone call to book a massage is too hard, let alone having the strength to drive to the massage salon to receive one.
I want to share with you a way to take your brain to a spa without having to leave your space. It's using the music that I back all my audios with, Wholetones Music. It is easy to lay down and just let it play. It supports us in so many ways.
If you have been put down a lot in your life, you may not have a strong will center. So listening to healing music is a fast way of bringing healing into your mind and body, with little energy spent. And the music can support you in finding your truth. The truth is that who you are matters; you are valuable.
And your life becomes better as you find ways to walk in this truth.
When we sing, we can release stress from our bodies, becoming more aligned with ourselves. But sometimes, the grief is just too big to be able to sing. Wholetones or using music can help us heal without expending energy we don't have. It builds us and gives us a boost, especially when we need it.
Music can change the way we feel by releasing pleasure hormones in our brains. We can use music to help us feel calm and safe. It soothes our brains overactive fear center. And it can help us get through our day and also engage with our day-to-day lives more effectively.
Using music regularly can help us recover from stress and sleep better. Healing music gives us more energy to recover from and process our betrayal pain. And best of all, music helps our brain become more flexible and able to change. These benefits continue even after we stop listening to music.
We only get one life, and it is a precious gift.
It's important that while we are finding our healing that we protect and guard our unique life.
Using music has helped me immensely to heal and align with the woman I was created to be. Especially during the times when I didn't believe I had anything more to give. Or the ability to survive this situation where I found myself as an unwilling participant.
After being cheated on, I was so afraid of being a failure or making mistakes that I couldn't face any challenges. And this fear stopped me from growing. You see, challenges help us grow. To survive infidelity, I needed to grow, not isolate myself away.
Actively including music into my self-care supported me in changing my mindset about coping with the pain. I was able to see the pain as something I could endure, face, and grow from. The sooner I embraced my pain, the faster I realigned myself with living my best life.
It's important to know that it takes time and practice to heal.
Many of us have been stressed out for years. We can't expect to change our self-care habits for a couple of days or a month and suddenly be whole again. It's going to take us time. And it's essential to be patient and compassionate with ourselves while we process our pain and regain our sense of peace and safety.
And so, it's really about changing our mindset to understand that healing is possible. Healing comes from finding that place of peace within us. When we relax and listen to music, which is taking the time for self-care, we maximize our potential to heal. Then the most healthy versions of ourselves start to shine again.
Self-care is us constructing healthy coping strategies into our lives. It helps us build resilience.
Here is a sleep audio from one of my self-care lessons, using Wholetones Music as a backing. The frequency used in this piece from Brahms Lullaby is 174Hz.
I74Hz is the frequency for relieving pain and tension. It supports our autonomic nervous system by slowing our breath and heart rate. This supports our bodies by activating our relaxation response. As our muscles relax, pain and tension are alleviated.
Lie down somewhere that you feel safe, and let the music bring healing to your mind and body. Listening to this frequency also supports our organs to function optimally. It helps put us into a rest and digest state. 174Hz is a natural anesthetic; it's the painkiller frequency.
Throughout the Self-care Course, 963Hz music is also used. This frequency helps us reconnect with ourselves. It also helps us reconnect with others and the world around us. Listening to this frequency can strengthen our sense of belongingness in this world.
The "Finding Happiness After Infidelity" course, which is the second in the self-care series , has 396Hz music. It supports the release of fear and guilt. Listening to this frequency dissolves negative thinking, hidden blockages, and subconscious negative beliefs or ideas. It supports us in transitioning from pain into joy and resilience.
The "Infidelity Healing" Series uses 528Hz because this is the frequency of love and miracles. It can create a healthy emotional state for relational healing. It opens our ability to be more intuitive, self-expressive and improves our problem-solving skills. It helps us be more honest and authentic with each other while promoting a deep inner peace.
There is little risk to listening to music and many benefits.
Grammy Award-winning musician Micheal Tyrrell created the Wholetones Music. He based it on the science behind musical frequencies and their impact on our mind, body, and spirit. And I am deeply grateful that Micheal has allowed us to benefit from his work by allowing his music to be used as a backing on The Betrayed Wife’s site and courses. To learn more about Wholetones Music, and to hear Micheal's story behind his music, please check out his video on YouTube.
To continue learning about infidelity healing, click here for the next healing article or here for more about self-care after infidelity. If you are struggling to control your infidelity pain, please accept a free and confidential call with me. Your healing matters, you matter!
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All the pain caused by infidelity trauma can be healed in the